Sometimes they are hard to spot though because you cannot read hundred of psychological researches and scientific studies “just to make sure”. So you end up “kinda of” trusting the self-help guru. But that’s far from ideal because you will not fully trust and accept what’s true and life-changing and you might end up following advice which is unproductive
Self-Help Myth #13
High Self-Esteem
- High self-esteem is good, but only if accompanied by a growth mindset and an antifragile ego
- Violence ensues when people feel that their favorable views of themselves are threatened or disputed by others
- People with high self esteem but no firm basis in genuine accomplishment are especially prone to be violence because they are most likely to have their narcissistic bubble burst
The Truth
One study shows that thinking about goals increases the number of times people think about them and decreases the amount of actual work.
The Self-Help Lie
This self-help lie was popularized by Daniel Goleman in his best-selling book “Emotional Intelligence”
Anti-Snake Oil Checklist
Is the advice a sales pitch?
- Does it refer to research, consensus, or make sense
- Do the words “better”, “more”, or “quicker” actually mean anything
- If it uses correlation, it is either dumb or in bad faith
- It sounds too easy, simple, or generic
The Truth
Bannister broke a record that was standing for 9 years.
- The “Bannister effect” sounds like a good story, but it doesn’t hold to scrutiny
- It’s not true that experts believed that a sub-4 minute was impossible.
- The last record is 3:43 and has been standing for 20 years.
The Truth
Numerous studies show a positive correlation between EI and effective leadership
The Truth
Frederickson and Losada found out that too many positives become harmful above a certain threshold (11:1)
- Some negativity is essential to offer us feedback on our performance
- Thinking about the worst-case scenario can help people to manage their anxiety and lower the pressure
The Truth
Incantations are mostly marketed as a tool for people with low self-esteem and confidence
- Studies show that most people are not ready to accept positive feedback from themselves
- For people with a healthy level of confidence, incantations do not seem to be very useful
- Just saying positive things to yourself does not raise mood or achievement
What To Do
Don’t fall for the idealization of some researchers
- Truth will empower you
- Although you can improve, you are also better off choosing fields where you have a natural affinity
- You can always improve, but only do so in the fields that you naturally gravitate to
The Truth
Switching to a good mood when we’re normal is easy. It’s when we have little mental capacity left that becomes difficult.
Critical Thinking Approach
How could this even make any sense? Do people run with a clock in their hands that they check before crossing the finish line?
Critical Thinking Analysis
In many situations, words account for far more than 7% of a joke.
- For example, if you were to deliver a toast at your best friend’s wedding and say: Sorry to say this, but I must take this off my cheast. I have repeatedly had sex with your wife. Together with all our freinds BTW.
- Would the message be any more positive or funny if you said it with a smile and a relaxed body language?
Why They Myth Spread
Gladwell takes advantage of two human psychological biases to spread the self-help lie: we all want to believe we’re no less talented than top performers
- We all want a belief we can believe we can do anything we set our mind to
- And of course, self help gurus can make more money by selling the feel-good idea that “yes, just put in the time, and you’re world-class”.
The Self-Help Lie
The more you focus on the positives, the better off you are, right?
The Self-Help Lie
There is no talent, only effort
- Since the brain is plastic, you can learn anything and you can get good at anything
- Studies, books and researchers give scientific backing to this self-help myth
- No matter how hard you try, you cannot master anything
The Self-Help Lie
Before Roger Bannister, people did not believe it was possible to run a mile in under 4 minutes.
Bonus: The “Self-Help Nice-Sounding Stories”
Some self-help gurus love telling stories that sound nice and wow people, but that actually have little to do with reality
- Bucket-crab mentality
- The boiling frog
- If you put a frog into boiling water it will jump out, but if you slowly heat the water, the frog will boil to death
- The ostrich effect
- Ostriches do not escape reality by burying their hands in the sand
Critical Thinking Check
How do you measure and define “success” and “EI”?
- Based on what can do you come up with a precise 80/20 split?
- In which field does the overlap of success and EI apply?
- IQ 8 to 2 doesn’t make sense.
The Lie
This was backed by a famous study originally called in psychology the “facial feedback hypothesis” (Strack Et Al., 1988).
What To Do
Work to improve yourself to the point where you receive (real) positive feedback from others
- Challenge your negative thoughts, “talk back” to them with well-reasoned arguments
- Ask yourself questions and “ask yourself questions” and try to come up with positive answers
The Self-Help Lie
The idea that all you have to do to change is to repeat the mantra “I’m the best” is captivating, but is it really true?
- Does it really work behind that burst of self-confidence and good feelings?
Critical Thinking Analysis
Think about these variables: What field are we talking about? They can’t be all the same can they
- What about your starting level? How do you practice?
- Natural abilities? Competitiveness of the field?… After all, hey, I probably logged in 10.000 hours and you’re fine.
The Self-Help Lie
Gladwell argued that becoming an expert at anything is mostly about how long you practiced
- All great achievers practiced around 10,000 rules showed Gladwell ranging from Bill Gates to The Beatles
- If you want to do the same, just put in the time, and you’ll be world-class
The Truth
The brain is plastic, but that doesn’t mean it can rewire itself limitlessly
Why It’s Wrong
The 10.000-hour rule is a major self-help lie.
- “10.000” is an average in a specific field and, per se, it means nothing
- It’s more about how you train than how long
- Research does not prove that logging a certain amount of hours will make anyone an expert
The Truth
Mehrabian’s research was highly specific and only dealing with attitudes of likes and dislikes.
Summary
This article lists some of the most pervasive and false self-help myths. If there are any you know of that I missed, please let me know in the forum or in the comments.
Critical Thinking Analysis
If the brain was infinitely plastic, then it would be able to always rewire and repair itself. Unluckily, we do not.
