Marriage, a significant milestone, is often approached with varying motivations. Some reasons, however, can lead to a rocky foundation, while others foster a strong, lasting bond. Let's delve into four terrible and four commendable reasons to tie the knot.
Terrible Reason to Get Married #4: Because It’s Practical
A legal marriage can come with many practical benefits, but if they’re the only reasons you’re marrying someone, then something’s not quite right.
- The fact is that a marriage isn’t going to work unless both people are in it for each other and no one else.
Terrible Reasons to Get Married
Most of these horrible reasons to get married will probably seem obvious and maybe even a little ridiculous.
- Sometimes, your real intentions are hidden a few layers deep and you just need someone to lovingly shake them to the surface for you.
Ditch the Toxic Relationship Cycle
There are some pretty clear signals to know if a relationship is going to work or not
The “Should We Get Married?” Checklist
Most important aspects of a relationship that bode well for a healthy and happy marriage
- If your relationship doesn’t have these things already, let’s just say that it’s going to be pretty hard to make a marriage work in the long run
You Have Similar Worldviews and Visions for Your Future
Are your lives going in the same direction and do you share similar values?
- Do you have friction when it comes to big life decisions or do you mesh well with one another’s career aspirations and/or lifestyles?
Two Checklists to Avoid
Bad reasons to get married
- Getting married for the wrong reasons can have dire consequences-not just emotionally, but financially, as well.
- The first checklist is the BAD reasons people get married; the second checklist outlines the GOOD reasons.
Terrible Reason to Get Married
To Solve Your Relationship Problems
- Committing to someone by getting married amplifies all facets of your relationship.
- If you don’t have respect for one another, you won’t gain it, and you’ll probably lose it even more
- When you get married, things can get better if you’re already good, but they only get worse if they’re already bad
Terrible Reason to Get Married
To Prove Something
- Some people see marriage as a status symbol, so they get married thinking they’ll parade around town with their spouse and people will bow in their presence like they just conquered Westeros.
- Getting married to prove something to someone-or yourself-is a god awful reason to do it
There’s a Strong Friendship That Underpins the Relationship
You should be marrying someone who’s not just an ideal romantic partner for you, they’re also your friend.
- A good friendship involves accepting one another unconditionally, flaws and all. They might annoy you in some ways and piss you off in others, but at the end of the day, you still want to be there for them.
See Marriage as an Exciting Option, Not an Obligation
Don’t see getting married as something that you have to do for whatever reason.
- A marriage-and any relationship, really-is something that is created by two people. It’s a project, not an obligation.
Fight Well
A healthy relationship is a relationship with healthy arguments
- When you do fight, you do so from a place of mutual respect for one another’s needs
- You forgive each other and you forgive yourself
- This allows for both of you to figure out what each other’s needs are and how to best meet those needs
Books on Relationships and Marriage
Most books on the topic give vague advice that isn’t all that useful
- Top two books are The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix
- 7 Principles of a Successful Marriage by John Gottman
- Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
Relationships
What makes them good and what makes them bad, why they thrive and why they die, and what you can do to start having better ones
Terrible Reason to Get Married
Because You’re Afraid of Being Alone
- Don’t settle for the next person who comes along simply because you’re tired of being alone
- Develop yourself into who you want to be first
- Get healthy, get your finances in order, and find someone who is excited to be with you
