If you’re experiencing anxiety at the very idea of talking to a stranger—or an acquaintance or colleague that you haven’t seen in awhile—this guide is for you.
Building Confidence Requires Practice
- Feeling confident around other people starts with feeling confident in yourself
- Confidence is a mindset. For some, that mindset is ever-present; for others, it takes some work to get there.
- Ask yourself these questions: What are some things you like about yourself? What are you good at? What would you like to be better at? What are challenges you have overcome for which you are proud of yourself?
Look for commonalities
- Some of the best small talk can come from finding out that you grew up in the same area as another person
- Focus on questions that help you find something in common with the other person
- A simple “where are you from?” or “have you hiked this trail before?” can go a long way
Embrace differences
If questions such as “where are you from?” or “have you hiked this trail before?” yield surprising results that you have nothing in common with, embrace it. Use this as an opportunity to challenge yourself to learn how this person came to think or behave this way. And if you find yourself in an uncomfortable conversation, ask yourself:
- Do I want to excuse myself from this conversation?
- Or do I want to use this as an opportunity to challenge myself to learn how this person came to think or behave this way?
Start With What’s Right In Front Of You
- Every situation has a context
- You can draw from that context to understand what you’re sharing with the other person at that very moment
- If you’re sitting next to someone on a park bench on a beautiful day, you can ask them what they would like to do if they brought a good book or if they can recommend a great restaurant near the park
If you’re shy, nervous, or out of practice-it’s okay to say so
- Most people have a degree of shyness, and by acknowledging your own nerves, you may be putting them at ease
- Remember that you are a mystery to others just as they are a mystery to you
