To help others succeed, you have to become good at listening. It may seem counterintuitive, but the way to achieve success is to make the people around you successful. Here are six reasons why you might not be a good listener:
Your natural desire is to talk
- You want to appear knowledgeable and smart by sharing what you know
- This can stop you from listening to the other person because you are thinking of what your response will be
- When you really listen, you are able to form insightful questions that naturally continue the conversation
Your ego gets in the way
- Leaders can have more of an ego than their followers, and it can shut down your listening
- Your ego tells you, “I’m really smart. How much do I need to listen to this person?”
- It prevents you from listening to people you think are intellectually or socially inferior
- Those who are most secure, however, are the ones who have the confidence to listen, respect, and value others
You’re trying to multitask
- Our brain’s frontal cortex processes what we hear, but it processes serially, not in parallel
- When you want to listen to someone, you have to drop everything you’re doing and focus
You are judging others
- We all judge the actions and words of others, and when someone says something that you think is wrong or misguided, it’s easy to dismiss their input
- Instead, thoughtfully assess others’ thoughts and actions, hear them out, and maybe you are missing something
You shut people off
- If we disagree with someone, it’s easy to focus on the disagreement rather than the kernel of truth they may have to share
- This can lead to dismissal instead of a conversation
- Another time you might shut someone off is if you think you already know what the person is going to say
You have preconceptions and biases
- Discard the filters you’ve created, and focus on potential positive outcomes that can only happen when you listen
- Don’t let preconceived ideas stop you from listening to someone
- Listen to someone who has no experience in the field you are describing, and let them explain their background to you
