Assertiveness, often misunderstood as aggression, is a virtue that can be cultivated. It's about standing up for oneself without infringing on others' rights. Let's delve into the art of developing assertiveness, a skill that can be honed with practice.
Years ago, as a junior academic, I worked late one evening on a project with a tight deadline.
While I sat at my desk, a senior colleague asked if I had a moment. Sure, I said. He shared his plans for a research paper and asked for my thoughts
- More than an hour later, after making no progress on my own work, I left the office feeling annoyed at myself. Surely I should be capable of politely excusing myself from that sort of situation?
Assertiveness is a non-feminine trait
A Google search for “how to be more assertive” yields 22 million results
- Women have more trouble with assertiveness than men do
- In salary negotiations, women concede earlier than men, anticipate greater backlash, and are discouraged by others’ perceptions of assertiveness as a feminine trait
Using Aristotle’s philosophy to help people become more assertive
A good life for humans requires a virtuous character.
- Tact is a virtue, which we find on a spectrum between the vices of dishonesty and brutal honesty
- Courage lies between recklessness and cowardice
- Friendliness lies between surliness and obsequiousness
- Moderation has an intuitive appeal
- When it comes to traits that we feel anxious about, we often lose sight of moderation
- Anxiety leads to all-or-nothing thinking about assertiveness: we wish we could stand up for ourselves, but we’re afraid that we’ll be arrogant if we do, so our options shrink to a binary choice between ‘walkover’ and ‘arrogant’
- Remember that your assertiveness role model isn’t arrogant
- Practice makes assertiveness easier
