Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn’t | ReThinking with Adam Grant
In a riveting dialogue with Adam Grant, Brené Brown, a pioneer in the field of social work, explores the concept of vulnerability, especially in the professional sphere.
They delve into the societal norms and expectations that often hinder individuals from expressing vulnerability, and discuss strategies to cultivate a culture of open communication, authenticity, and continuous learning.
Language as a Change Agent
Language plays a pivotal role in shaping culture and facilitating change.
Introducing new vocabulary can help to create change, not just reflect it.
For instance, using the term ‘rumble’ to describe difficult conversations can help to normalize these discussions and make them a regular part of the organization’s culture.
The Armor of Expertise
Many individuals resort to wearing an armor at work, using expertise or performance as a shield.
This can be a coping mechanism for past traumas or experiences of rejection.
However, this approach can limit opportunities for learning, challenging oneself, and personal growth.
It’s crucial to identify what armor is no longer serving us and how to shed it.
The Journey to Vulnerability
There’s no shortcut to vulnerability.
It’s about understanding and seeing people for who they are.
Creating a culture of authenticity and belonging requires a lot of work, but it’s worth it.
Distinguishing Shame from Guilt
Understanding the difference between shame and guilt is crucial.
Shame is the feeling of being bad, while guilt is the feeling of having done something bad.
Recognizing this difference can have profound effects on how individuals perceive themselves and their actions, and can influence how they communicate and interact with others.
Authenticity and Discretion
Being authentic doesn’t mean sharing everything with everyone.
Authenticity, like vulnerability, requires discernment and understanding of when and where it’s appropriate to share certain information or emotions.
Leaders can be vulnerable without disclosing a lot about their emotions or personal life, by acknowledging struggles and setting boundaries about what support looks like.
Strength in Vulnerability
Vulnerability is not indicative of weakness but a manifestation of strength and connection.
It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
However, societal norms often equate vulnerability with weakness, making it challenging for individuals to embrace it, particularly in the workplace.
Gender and Vulnerability
For those trying to meet masculine norms, the biggest shame trigger is being perceived as weak, making vulnerability a big ask.
For those trying to meet feminine norms, the biggest shame trigger is imperfection, making vulnerability equally challenging.
Embracing vulnerability can help individuals shed their armor, grow personally and professionally, and build stronger connections with others.
I’m constantly trying new things that I don’t know whether I’m going to be good at or not and I am failing… but now that I’ve changed the goal to stretching and learning instead of proving and perfecting, it feels so different. – Brené Brown
Creating Psychological Safety
Psychological safety in the workplace is crucial.
When leaders compartmentalize their personal life, it can create a sense of unease among their team members.
By being explicit about their needs and struggles, leaders can create a safe space for their team members to be human and bring their whole selves to work.
I’m asking people to be vulnerable, 99% of them are raised to believe that vulnerability is weakness and they know in their heart that they’ll experience shame if they’re perceived as weak. – Brené Brown
Vulnerability with Boundaries
While vulnerability can foster trust and connection, it’s important to set boundaries and understand when and where vulnerability is appropriate.
For instance, sharing personal struggles may not be appropriate in a professional setting, but showing curiosity and a willingness to learn can be seen as a form of vulnerability that is beneficial in a work context.
Authentic Closeness
Closeness is not necessarily about disclosing personal information.
It’s about making time for people and knowing that they would be there for each other, regardless of the frequency of communication.
This is a form of authenticity.
Belonging vs Fitting In
Sharing personal information just because it’s expected is a form of fitting in, not belonging.
True belonging is when a team can respect and honor each other’s different ways of showing up and different levels of comfort with sharing.
The ‘Rumbles’ Concept
‘Rumbles’ are difficult conversations that need to be had within a team or organization.
These discussions are expected to bring about different opinions and competing priorities, and participants are encouraged to listen more than they talk.
The goal is to understand each other better, even if it means experiencing some discomfort.
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