Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is a groundbreaking book by Emily Nagoski that offers an evidence-based approach to understanding and improving sexual health. Through research and personal stories, Nagoski provides an inclusive and honest look at how to make sex better for everyone.
Understand Your Body
In order to have satisfying sex, it’s essential to understand your body and its needs.
We should be willing to explore different aspects of ourselves and experiment with different ways of experiencing pleasure.
This means being open to trying new things and being in tune with our bodies, so that we can make the most of our sexual experiences.
Make Pleasure a Priority
Pleasure should be the main focus when it comes to having sex.
We should prioritize pleasure over performance or outcomes, which can lead to feelings of insecurity or disappointment.
This means focusing on the journey instead of the end result, trying new things and letting go of any expectations or goals.
Be Open to New Experiences
Experimentation can help us discover new ways to experience pleasure.
We should be open to trying new things, exploring different techniques and experimenting with different positions or activities if we feel comfortable doing so.
This helps us build trust with our partners while also allowing us to explore different aspects of ourselves.
Enjoy the Moment
Sex should be enjoyable for everyone involved, so it’s important not only to focus on the pleasure but also savor the moment itself by slowing down and really connecting with our partners.
This means taking time out from stressors or distractions, focusing on each other and appreciating what we have together in the present moment.
Talk Openly about Sex
Communication is key for a great sex life.
We should feel comfortable talking openly about our desires, needs, boundaries and limits.
This means being honest about what we like or don’t like, asking questions and listening actively to what our partners have to say.
Respect Your Partner
Respect for our partners is essential for a healthy sex life.
We should be mindful of our partners’ needs and feelings, as well as their boundaries and limits.
This means communicating openly and honestly about our desires and being understanding of each other’s preferences.
Practice Self-Awareness
Having a healthy sex life requires self-awareness.
We should be mindful of our own needs, feelings and emotions in order to create a safe space for ourselves and our partners.
This means checking in with ourselves regularly, understanding our triggers and learning how to manage them in a healthy way.
Create an Atmosphere of Trust
Creating an atmosphere of trust is essential for having fulfilling sex.
We should establish safety within relationships by showing respect for each other’s boundaries and accepting consent as the foundation for all sexual encounters.
This means being honest with ourselves and others about what we want and don’t want from our sexual experiences.
Set Positive Intentions
Our intentions shape our experiences.
We should set positive intentions for our sexual encounters and focus on creating a mutually satisfying experience.
This means being respectful, trusting, compassionate and energized by the connection between us and our partner.
Let Go of Pressure
Pressure is one of the biggest obstacles to enjoying sex.
We should let go of expectations and pressure to perform, which can lead to anxiety and self-doubt.
This means learning to relax, enjoy the moment and embrace pleasure without worrying about what comes next.
