Ever felt a pang of discomfort when showered with compliments? You're not alone. Unravel the psychology behind this seemingly paradoxical reaction and discover why praise might make you squirm.
If receiving a compliment makes you uncomfortable, you aren’t alone.
Around 70% of people in a survey associated feelings of embarrassment and discomfort with praise. Why do we feel this way?
- It starts with surprise. Our body’s physiological responses to an…
- You’re heading back to your desk after grabbing some coffee when your boss walks by and compliments your work on a project. What’s your first reaction?
Know that the compliment is about the giver, not you (the receiver)
When someone recognizes you, they share the experience of what you did and how it impacted them
- Honor their sentiment, even if you don’t fully agree with it
- Say a simple “thank you”
Reframe your vulnerability
Think of your vulnerability as an opportunity to connect with someone else, or learn how others experience you or your work.
- Try saying, “Wow, that was such a different perspective.” Over time, the anxiety will wear off and you will begin relating to compliments as nice, non-threatening surprises.
Surprises often bring joy or excitement, and for some people, even emotionally pleasant news can be cognitively intense
This is called the “surprise sequence”
- When we’re surprised, we:
- Momentarily freeze
- Find an explanation for what is happening
- Shift our perspective
- Share our experience with other
Get curious about your learned behaviors
Many of our knee-jerk reactions to compliments are learned behaviors.
- Our reactions are often influenced by what we see, observe, and experience from those around us
- Observe what you were taught and how it impacts how you respond today
- How abundant or scarce was praise or acknowledgment in your childhood
- What are the unspoken rules about recognition in your home
- Growing up, did people around you regularly use praise inauthentically?
- Can you think of any incidents from your past, maybe in school or with family, when you were (or were not) recognized that made you uncomfortable?
Can we trigger joy instead of anxiety when we are complimented?
Yes! With practice, we can learn to process the compliment in a healthy manner, even if we don’t initially identify with it
- Sharing how we feel about a situation can help us get out of our heads and make us feel better
