Domestic violence and abuse, a pervasive issue often shrouded in silence, demands our attention. Unraveling its complexities, we delve into its roots, impacts, and potential solutions, fostering a deeper understanding and encouraging a proactive stance against this societal scourge.
What is domestic violence and abuse?
Domestic abuse includes any attempt by one person in an intimate relationship or marriage to dominate and control the other
- Abuse happens within heterosexual relationships and in same-sex partnerships
- It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels
- The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether from a man, woman, teenager, or an older adult
Emotional abuse
Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive.
- The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence-leaving you feeling that there’s no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner, you have nothing.
Abusive Behavior is a Choice
Abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice to gain control
- Perpetrators use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power
- Dominance: Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship
- Humiliation: An abuser will do everything they can to lower your self-esteem or make you feel defective in some way
- Isolation: In order to increase your dependence on them, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world
The full cycle of domestic violence
A man abuses his partner, then rationalizes his behavior by accusing his partner of having an affair
- Later, he fantasizes about hurting her again, and reflects on past abuse and decides to hurt her again
- He plans on sending her to the grocery store, purposely choosing a busy time
Physical and Sexual Abuse
Physical abuse occurs when physical force is used against you in a way that injures or endangers you.
- Sexual abuse is sexual abuse where you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity, even if the partner is a co-habitant.
Recognizing the warning signs of abuse
Warning signs of emotional abuse and domestic violence
- Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
- Go along with everything their partner says and does
- Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
- Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
- Physical violence
- Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
- Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation
- Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)
Domestic abuse is still domestic abuse if…
The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television, or heard other people talk about.
- Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely that the person will continue to physically assault you. The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire.
Economic or Financial Abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse
The abuser’s goal is to control you, and they will frequently use money to do so
Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up!
- People who have been emotionally or physically abused are often depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.
Signs of an abusive relationship
Fear of your partner
- Having to constantly watch what you say and do to avoid a blow-up
- Belittling behavior
- Violent behavior or threats
- Constantly check up on you
- Extreme jealous and possessive behavior
Control your behavior
Abusers are able to control their behavior-they do it all the time
- Pick and choose whom and when they abuse
- Stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so
- Violent abusers direct their blows where they won’t show
The cycle of violence in domestic abuse
Abuse
- Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior
- Guilt
- Your partner feels guilt after abusing you, but not because of their actions
- Excuses
- Your abuser rationalizes what they have done
- “Normal” behavior – your partner does everything in their power to regain control
- Fantasy and planning
- They spend a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how they will make you pay for it
