Emotional intelligence soothes and settles both present overreactions and the underlying disturbances from childhood that still “run our show.” If one strategy is not effective, there are many others that can help people become confident in coping with difficult emotions. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) often leave hidden wounds that negatively affect adults if unhealed.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence (EQ) includes three key components: Comfort with the full range of emotions, Open-hearted awareness, Ways to soothe and settle unpleasant emotions
- Individuals with EQ do experience disturbing emotions, but they tend to get down less often and are less upset by unpleasant emotions.
Caution and Hope
If at any point this strategy, or any other self-managed strategy, becomes overwhelming, it is put aside.
- Overwhelming reactions to the past may signal the need to enlist the aid of a skilled trauma therapist, who can teach many other ways to process troubling memories from childhood.
The Healing Principle
Reconsolidation means the brain can change painful memories and their related emotions if we bring all aspects of the memory into full awareness
- This principle is utilized by nearly all of the effective treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder
- For example, if one learns to calm stress arousal as one recounts a difficult experience, then calmness begins to replace dysregulated stress arousal
The Floatback Strategy for Disturbing Events
The floatback strategy, developed by William Zangwill and Cindy Browning (1999) and popularized by EMDR originator Dr. Francine Shapiro (2012), is one way to soothe and settle the disturbing memories and emotions from both the recent event and the distant childhood event that drives the intense reactions in the present.
- Utilizing the principle of reconsolidation, a person recalls the various aspects of a recent upsetting event. Without judgment and with kind curiosity, the individual notices:
- What was sensed externally
- Visceral sensations
- Emotions
- Thoughts
- Self-compassion
- Bringing compassion to the body that holds the disturbance
