Most of us know that failure is a reality of life, and at some level, we understand that it actually helps us grow. Intellectually, we even acknowledge that the greatest achievers—past and present—also routinely experienced colossal failures. Why is it so hard to let go, forgive ourselves, and move on? And how can we keep failure—or the fear of it—from derailing us? Here are five strategies:
Don’t make it personal
Separate the failure from your identity. Just because you haven’t found a successful way of doing something (yet) doesn’t mean you are a failure.
These are completely separate thoughts, yet many of us blur the lines between them. Personalizing failure can wreak havoc on our self-esteem and confidence.
Release the need for approval of others
Often, our fear of failure is rooted in our fear of being judged and losing others’ respect and esteem. We easily get influenced (and spooked) by what people say about us. Remember, this is your life, not theirs.
What one person considers to be true about you is not necessarily the truth about you, and if you give too much power to others’ opinions, it could douse your passion and confidence, undermining your ability to ultimately succeed.
Try a new point of view
Our upbringing—as people and professionals—has given us an unhealthy attitude toward failure. One of the best things you can do is to shift your perspective and belief system away from the negative and embrace more positive associations.
Stop dwelling on it
Obsessing over your failure will not change the outcome. In fact, it will only intensify the outcome, trapping you in an emotional doom-loop that disables you from moving on.
You cannot change the past, but you can shape your future. The faster you take a positive step forward, the quicker you can leave these debilitating, monopolizing thoughts behind.
Take stock, learn and adapt
Look at the failure analytically—indeed, curiously—suspending feelings of anger, frustration, blame or regret. Ask yourself:
- Why did you fail?
- What might have produced a better outcome?
- Was the failure completely beyond your control?
