Communication in relationships is essential to having a happy, healthy partnership. To improve communication in your relationship, you must discover how to listen, not how to talk. And it isn’t about making small talk. Learning how to communicate in a relationship is about fulfilling your partner’s needs.
Identify Your Communication Styles
Not everyone has the same communication style
- Communication styles also involve our metaprograms, or the ways that we respond to information
- Some people like to talk, some prefer touch, others are more visual or respond better to gift giving than an outward discussion of feelings
- Effective communication with your partner will come from acknowledging this and being cognizant of how they convey this information
Better conflict resolution
The key isn’t to never disagree with your partner.
- Improve your conflict resolution skills by using the eight tips above so that when disagreements do happen, you’re able to turn them into something that strengthens your relationship instead of tearing it down.
Start over
Be aware of your negative patterns and start over before they become destructive
- Listen to your partner, discover the needs they value the most and fulfill them
- When you understand that giving is the secret to a fulfilling relationship, you’ll put constant work into how to communicate with your partner in a way they understand
Discover the 6 Human Needs
There are six fundamental needs that all humans share, but each of us puts these needs in a different order in accordance with our core values
- The first human need is the need for certainty.
- Be open with your partner about what gives them certainty and makes them feel stable
- Variety: Relationships need healthy challenges that allow partners to grow together
- Significance: We all need to feel unique and important
- Connection: Every human needs to feel connected with others
- Growth: We constantly endeavor to evolve along the different paths that interest us the most
- Contribution and giving: Consider what you give your time and how you can give more
Determine if your partner’s needs are being met
Ask the right questions and then deeply listen to the answers.
- Listen with a calm, open mind and really hear what they are saying to you. This will help you learn how to communicate better and connect with your partner on a deeper level.
Increased Trust
Real communication means sharing happiness and sadness, good days and bad.
- Be vulnerable with them because you know that they will support you and love you no matter what. Absolute courage and vulnerability is one of the Five Disciplines of Love because it leads to total trust in your relationship.
Increased intimacy
Developing your communication skills shows that you respect and value your partner and their feelings and opinions.
- When people feel honored and accepted in this way, emotional intimacy skyrockets – and physical intimacy often follows
- Learn how to improve communication in relationships
Commit to true connection
Communication in relationships is about connecting and using your verbal, written, and physical skills to fulfill your partner’s needs.
- It’s not about making small talk. Communication is about understanding your partner’s point of view, offering support, and letting your partner know you are their #1 fan.
Be honest and open
Say what you mean, and make your feelings and your needs clear
- Retreating from conflict seems deceptively safe and comfortable, but it’s no substitute for trust in a relationship and it will never help you learn how to communicate better
- When you disagree with your partner, you must be able to trust that what you say will be heard and respected
Be present in your relationship
Put time aside and dedicate yourself 100% to communicating with your partner
- They must truly feel that they have your full attention and that they are your number one priority
- Remember that intimacy, love and trust are built when times are hard, not when they’re easy
Learn the three keys to passion and intimacy
The strongest relationships have polarity: opposing masculine and feminine energies that compliment each other
- When polarity is fully embraced, a beautiful connection is created
- Feminine energies need to feel seen – they want you to be present with them and appreciate them
- Masculine energies needs to feel appreciated – through praise and celebration
- And they need to be opened up to – so share your emotions and affection freely
Let things go
Assess the present situation and identify what you can do at this moment
- Your goal is to strengthen your relationship, build intimacy, and learn how to communicate better
- Be aware of your body language
- Lean toward your partner, keep your face relaxed and open, and touch them gently
Break negative patterns
Be mindful and make conscious efforts to modulate these aspects of your voice
- Speak calmly and clearly to get your message across
- Pay attention to volume, especially volume “creep,” and avoid competing to be heard
- Timbre refers to your voice’s emotional quality, attitude and tone
- Watch for red flag timbres like sarcasm that can erode communication in relationships and cause distrust between partners
Is there such a thing as over-communication?
Over-communication in relationships does exist in certain contexts.
- Two common defense mechanisms when people are feeling anxious or unsure how to express themselves: internalizing and externalizing
- Internalizers need space before they are ready to talk; externalizers may need to slow down and refine their message
- Think about how you can say it better
