How to find common ground when it seems impossible
When you spend a great deal of time with colleagues and managers, chances are that some conflicts are going to arise. If you’re at an impasse with a colleague, there are a few ways to approach finding common ground. Try following these six steps to find common ground:
Assess the obstacles
One of the first questions you must ask yourself in trying to get to a place of agreement is what’s standing in your way
- Is there a hidden agenda or reason that the other party would not want to compromise?
- Sometimes people are motivated to disagree because they want to cement their identity
- If those types of dynamics exist, you may find yourself in conflict, and it may be more difficult to find shared values and agreement
Get curious
Work on shedding what you think you know and become curious about the other person’s beliefs, values, and other motivating factors
- What I say I might want to begin with may not be actually what I want. It may just be a way of showing you that I’m strong,” she says.
Determine the type of disagreement
There are three types of disagreements: disagreement on values, disagreement about what is good, and disagreement on basic facts
- It’s important to know the common ground you’re searching for first
- Are you trying to align values and actions in the decision making?
- Is there agreement on the underlying facts?
Know your top and bottom lines
It is helpful to understand what you want the outcome to be.
- Think creatively about how you can create something good out of this situation, instead of focusing on “how do I get my way?”
- This kind of scenario exploration is often overlooked by people in conflict.
Bring in the right parties
If you continue to have trouble finding common ground, you may need to bring in a third party to help you navigate the situation
- Having an objective party in the room can help you defuse tension, get your points across, and identify areas of agreement
Choose the right time and place
When you’re working toward consensus, it is best to be calm.
- If you’re upset or irritated by a disagreement or comment, take some time to cool off, says Gina M. Weatherup, founder of Chantilly Mediation and Facilitation.
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