Jealousy is a useless emotion. It tells us that we’re not good enough. That’s why we look at someone else and wish for what they have. But not only is it useless, but it’s also destructive. Here are some tips on how to deal with jealousy:
Acknowledge Jealousy
- The first step to dealing with an uncomfortable feeling is acceptance
- If you ever catch yourself feeling those burning envious feelings, say “I’m <your name>, and I get jealous”
- But more crucially, also say: “But it’s okay to feel jealous. It’s only human. And here’s what I’m going to do about it”
Overcome Insecurity
- First, surround yourself with positive people who will build you up
- Second, become good at things that are important to you
- Loving yourself is the ultimate antidote for jealousy because then you realize that everything external you were looking for can actually be found within you
Talk to Yourself
Think about how you feel and why. Detach yourself from the situation and imagine you’re a neutral third party observing from the outside. Examining yourself like this will help you understand yourself better and open you up to new possibilities.
Even If It’s Very Uncomfortable
- Remember that invisible wall between you and that person you’re jealous of? The feeling only gets worse if you build that barrier higher and higher until it becomes a great wall of negative emotions
- If you open a door through that wall and reach out to the other side, there’s no guarantee you’ll like what you find there
Practice the “100% Swap” Thought Experiment
- “If I could swap my life completely for his/her, including not just the good stuff, but all the bad things – would I?”
- What we see externally about other people is just one part of their lives
- When we rationalize, we realize we wouldn’t give up our own lives either
Talk It Out
Who we’re looking for here is someone who will listen and empathize with you. And then lend you some non-judgmental emotional support (plus a hug maybe?).
He/she doesn’t even need to give you advice on how to solve your problems. If it’s jealousy — technically, there’s no external problem to solve anyway.
Count Your Blessings
- Jealousy comes from feelings of inadequacy
- If we feel like we’re not enough – that’s when we start looking outside at other people
- Gratitude is a powerful tool that makes people happier
- Every time you feel jealous, take out your phone and quickly note down three things you’re thankful for
Reach out to the Object of Your Jealousy
- If you are jealous of someone, reach out to them and humbly ask to learn from them
- And eventually, the jealousy falls away to become something better – like respect
- There are so many successful people out there who make you feel small. Try not to be jealous of them
