How To Trust People Again If You’ve Been Hurt

When you’ve been betrayed by someone you love or care about, learning to trust them again-if you’d even want to-takes time and effort from both parties. In this article, I present some ways you can learn to heal and trust people again. Learning to trust people can be difficult.

How to Decide If You Can Trust a Person Again

Only you can decide if moving forward is in your best interest.

• Ask yourself these questions: “Did this person deliberately betray my trust?”
• Did this person admit their mistake, or did I find out from someone else?
• Is the indiscretion in question unforgivable?”

Realize That Rebuilding Trust Takes Time

Take all of the time you need to rebuild your trust, either with that person or with people overall moving forward.

• Communicate with the specific person and anyone in the future that they need to respect your space and allow you the time to work through rebuilding trust.

Speak to a Licensed Therapist

Talk therapy, also known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can provide you with actionable solutions to address the root cause of the lack of trust you have in others.

• Speaking to a professional can help you on your journey as you begin to heal from the trauma of being hurt by someone you love or care about.

Commit to Starting Fresh, Whatever That Looks Like for You

Starting fresh can look like cutting off certain people in your life, forgiving the person who wronged you while moving forward with clear and established boundaries, or a combination of the two. All are completely valid paths to starting over with a clean slate.

Communicate Your Expectations

Communicate what expectations you have of your relationships with others.

Final Thoughts

Part of life is taking the risk that people won’t hurt you

Set clear boundaries

Communicate your boundaries with the person who has broken your trust

• Let them know the behaviors you will not tolerate, like lying or not telling the complete truth.
• Hold yourself accountable to stick to those boundaries that you set
• Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by the person and end up in an endless cycle of forgiving the same indiscretions over and over again

Recognize Your Triggers and Be Honest About Them

Communicating your triggers will help you to become more comfortable with the uncomfortable and help you along your journey to healing with any future relationships you might have

• Be honest with those around you that seeing that person makes you uncomfortable and that you’d prefer to keep your distance from them.

Only You Can Choose to Choose to Forgive and Move Forward

Forgiveness comes from within

• Consider if this person has betrayed your trust before
• Once you consider the context of the indiscretion in question, you can make an evidence-based decision that you have full confidence in

Put Yourself First

While we should all always put ourselves first, oftentimes after being hurt by someone we love or care about, only then do we come to realize we have been putting the needs of others before our own.

• Take this time of clarity to mend the most important relationship of all: the relationship you have with yourself.

Peoples’ Actions Will Tell You What You Need to Know

Watch their actions for change.

• Are they sliding back into their old habits? Are they listening to you when you communicate your triggers with them?
• Peoples’ actions will tell you everything you need to know about trusting them. Believe them.

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