Have you ever been stuck in an awkward conversation?. Of course you have. Here’s what to do to avoid awkward conversations in the future, and how you can do it so that you don’t get stuck in awkward conversations. gremlin/Getty Images.
Why do most conversations last longer than we want them to?
A study by a group of psychologists at Harvard looked at more than 900 conversations and asked participants to rate how they felt about the interaction, when they wanted the conversation to end, and when they thought the other person wanted it to end.
- On average, conversations lasted twice as long as people wanted them to, and that’s true not just of random conversations like those at the gym but also of interactions with friends, family, and loved ones
- Roughly two-thirds of people wanted the conversations to end sooner
- If we weren’t so desperate to avoid awkwardness, we could walk away or simply tell people what we want, but most of us don’t
- The question of whether they last longer or shorter than we would like them to is complicated
- Most people want the discussion to end before they do, but 30% want it to keep going
What’s your best advice to people who want to get better at ending conversations without also being assholes?
It’s almost always better to go too short than too long.
- If you’re feeling unsure about whether the other person wants to go but think that you do, that’s a pretty appropriate time to go. Especially if you could always talk to that person again.
Will you support Vox’s explanatory journalism?
Millions turn to Vox to understand what’s happening in the news. Financial contributions from our readers are a critical part of supporting our resource-intensive work and help us keep our journalism free for all
Why don’t we do it?
Confusion is unavoidable, but the one thing we can always do is communicate our preferences to the person we’re talking to.
- We’re afraid of offending people but also trapping them
- Instead of taking that risk and offending people one way or the other, we both hide our desires, so maybe nobody gets what they want but we also don’t offend anybody
- This might be one of the prices that we pay for living in a decent society – we don’t all get exactly what we want all the time.
Two Problems
We might think we know when the other person wants to leave, but when you notice that someone is shifting around, maybe breaking eye contact, looking a little glazed over, maybe that was the first moment they felt ready to leave.
- You can’t just end a conversation at any time. There are all these rules that make it pretty clear to both of us when we’re allowed to get out.
