Unravel the intricate relationship between judgment, storytelling, and self-esteem. Explore how these elements, when intertwined, can have lethal implications. Delve into the complexities of the human psyche and the power of perception in shaping our realities.
Key points
Much of one’s identity or self-esteem revolves around the stories one creates to make sense of the world
- We are programmed from birth to be a certain way or not based on the opinions of our parents, siblings, teachers, peers, and society
- The problem is that we are living out these stories, but we are not necessarily connected to who we actually are
- These “stories” we have about ourselves that we project onto the world are the way we create our egos
“ANTS”
These are “automatic negative thoughts” that occupy large amounts of space in our conscious brain
- Dr. David Burns categorizes these into 10 categories:
- Mind-reading
- Making assumptions
- Thinking you can read other people’s minds
- Being upset about a situation that occurred the day before
Let your ego go
Awareness of these stories can dissolve them
- You don’t have to “fix” them, you just have to train your brain to let go and move past them.
- As these stories about yourself and others drop away, you’ll begin to experience your life at a deeper and more interesting level.
Labeling
The error of labeling
- In the act of labeling, especially negative labeling, you’re overlooking the details of a given set of circumstances and also someone’s good qualities.
- Rehashing these critical self-judgments in our minds turns them into deeply embedded stories which are harder to move on from.
Recap
Self-esteem is a disaster
- It not only separates you from others, but you also can’t even work your way back to find out who they really are
- By becoming aware of their impact on you and others, they will lose their power, and you’ll be free
Self-perceived flaws
Thinking about these flaws over and over snares you in a destructive cycle of spinning neural circuits
- For example, a patient with neck pain was convinced that he was “stupid.” He developed a significant chronic burning sensation around his mouth.
- Something similar often happens in the entertainment industry where performers commonly focus only on their negative reviews
ANTs and Relationships
Over time, the “story” we tell ourselves can become so strong it can break apart an otherwise great relationship.
- If you realized that you were just projecting your own negative perception of yourself onto him or her, you might think twice about verbalizing your thoughts.
