Mourning is an intimate and unique experience for each of us. There are at least five emotions associated with grief. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There’s no order to them and they serve as a reference instead of a guide on how to grieve.
Denial
- Denial is a common defense mechanism. It may help you buffer the immediate shock of the hurtful situation
- The first stage of grief is a natural reaction that helps you process the loss in your own time
- By going numb, you’re giving yourself time to explore at your own pace the changes you’re going through
- Denial is a temporary response that carries you through the first wave of pain
- Eventually, when you’re ready, the feelings and emotions you have denied will resurface, and your healing journey will continue
Depression
- There’s no right or wrong way to go about it, nor is there a deadline to overcome it
- You start facing your present reality and the inevitability of the loss you’ve experienced
- Understandably, this realization may lead you to feel intense sadness and despair
- As overwhelming as it may feel at this point, this stage is a necessary part of your healing journey
Acceptance
- Reaching acceptance isn’t necessarily about being OK with what happened
- Acceptance is more about how you acknowledge the losses you’ve experienced, how you learn to live with them, and how you readjust your life accordingly
- You might feel more comfortable reaching out to friends and family during this stage, but it’s also natural to feel you prefer to withdraw at times
- In time, you may eventually find yourself stationed at this stage for long periods of time
Anger
- Feeling intensely angry might surprise you or your loved ones, but it’s not uncommon
- During the anger stage of grief, you might start asking questions like “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?”
- It’s not rare to also feel anger toward the situation or person you lost
- Rationally, you might understand the person isn’t to blame
- Emotionally, however, you may resent them for causing you pain or for leaving you
Bargaining
- Bargaining is a stage of grief that helps you hold on to hope in a situation of intense pain
- During this internal negotiation, you could find yourself thinking in terms of “what if” or “if only”
- Guilt might be an accompanying emotion during this stage as you inadvertently might be trying to regain some control, even if at your own expense
- All these emotions and thoughts aren’t uncommon
- As hard as it might feel, this helps you heal as you confront the reality of your loss
