Self-sabotage can be hard to identify and even harder to stop. It’s an insidious behavior that undermines our goals and values, but fortunately there are resources to help us understand it and work through it.
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when you undermine your own goals and values.
This can happen consciously or unconsciously, and can manifest in many ways such as procrastination, chronic worry, substance abuse, chronic lateness, stress eating, and intimacy and commitment issues.
Clarify Your Values and Aspirations
Next, clarify your values and aspirations – the things that truly matter to you – and connect your new behavior to them.
This will make it easier for the healthier habits to take root.
To get beyond superficial forms of values, force yourself to get more specific and think about what you would be able to do if you had the energy and motivation.
How to Identify Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
To identify self-sabotaging behaviors in our own lives, we must first become aware of our goals and values.
We should then observe ourselves objectively and take note of any behaviors or thought patterns that are preventing us from achieving our goals or living according to our values.
Compassionate Understanding of Your Needs
Self-sabotage is often a result of filling a need – whether it’s stress relief from alcohol, comfort from stress eating, or procrastination as a way to avoid fear.
To break the cycle of self-sabotage, it’s important to have compassion towards yourself and understand what need your current behavior is filling.
Creating a Plan for Correction
Once we have identified self-sabotaging behavior, the next step is to create a plan of action for changing them.
This includes developing healthy coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with stress and anxiety that don’t involve self-sabotage.
It is also important to establish boundaries and practice self-care to ensure that we are not overwhelmed by life’s demands.
Identify Your Emotions and Build Your Tolerance
The first step in letting go of self-sabotaging behavior is to identify the emotion that most often comes up when you let go of it and pursue a healthier alternative.
This could be fear, frustration, sadness, or any other feeling.
Once identified, practice tolerating the emotion in other areas of your life until you build up your tolerance for it.
Where Self-Sabotaging Behavior Comes From
Self-sabotaging behavior often manifests in an almost infinite variety of forms and can be rooted from various sources.
A thorough assessment of the underlying causes is required to identify the source, as it may be something as simple as procrastination or as complex as a traumatic experience.
Identifying What Self-Sabotage Is ‘Working’ For
To unravel this complexity, it is important to understand that self-sabotage ‘works’ on some level – at least in the short-term – so the underlying need must be identified and addressed.
This can involve tracing back the behavior to early modeling from parents or recognizing how power dynamics have shaped the way you interact with others.
