On Purpose with Jay Shetty – Stephan Labossiere ON: Signs You are Wasting Your Time in Relationships
Stephan Labossiere, a.k.a. Stephan Speaks is a man on a mission, and that mission is to make relationships happier and more fulfilling. As a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author, Stephan seizes every opportunity to help both men and women overcome the challenges that hinder their relationships.
Some of his most popular books are Love After Heartbreak, He’s Lying Sis: Uncover the Truth Behind His Words and Actions, and The Man God Has For You: 7 Traits to Help You Determine Your Life Partner
Selfless love
Love should be mutual and selfless. Before evaluating if someone truly loves you, ask yourself if you truly love them. Love involves kindness, compassion, patience, and understanding, and it’s about giving, not just receiving.
Love requires patience, effort, and understanding. Connection is rare and chemistry needs to be carefully examined. Compatibility is often overlooked but crucial for a lasting relationship. It’s important to understand love languages and manage emotions on a deeper level.
The importance of genuine connection and honesty in relationships
Compatibility is about coexisting in harmony, adapting to each other in a relationship. While compatibility on paper may look good, it does not necessarily mean it will work in real life. The foundation of a relationship should be born out of a true connection, love, and a genuine desire to be with each other.
It is crucial to be honest with oneself about why they are holding onto a relationship and if it is a waste of time. Women’s intuition is powerful, and it is essential to listen to oneself from the beginning to avoid turning a couple of weeks of dating into years of being unhappy in a marriage. Chemistry is the feeling of dopamine and cortisol, which gives you that butterfly feeling.
The importance of honesty and self-discovery in relationships
When starting a new relationship, it’s important to be honest about who you are and not set unrealistic expectations. If you present a false version of yourself, it can lead to disappointment and conflict down the line.
It’s important to acknowledge that people can’t suppress their true selves forever and that it’s unhealthy to try to do so. Additionally, it’s crucial to take the time to understand yourself before getting into a relationship. Therapy can be a valuable tool for self-discovery and for learning effective coping skills to manage stress, anxiety, and other struggles. Seeking help when you need it is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Bringing balance and softness to heated moments
In a relationship, it’s important to bring balance and softness to heated moments. It’s not a weak position to be the comforter or the caregiver. Instead, it’s the power position because it brings peace, happiness, and harmony to the relationship.
However, many people perceive kindness and sweetness as weaknesses, which can lead to a lack of trust and closure of the heart. To find someone who respects them, people need to be vulnerable, open, and loving and expose themselves to see if the other person is willing to match their energy. Hiding behind walls only blinds and hinders the proper evaluation of a situation.
A real connection
Building a strong foundation for a relationship based on love and genuine desire is crucial. Don’t hold onto a relationship that isn’t right for you, and listen to your intuition. Chemistry is the butterfly feeling caused by dopamine and cortisol.
To gauge if you have a real connection, be your authentic self around the person and determine if your paths and purposes align. Don’t mold yourself to impress them; it’s not sustainable.
Healing from past traumas for fulfilling relationships
In order to have healthy and fulfilling relationships, we need to heal from our past traumas and not hold on to them. We should not let our past wounds dictate our actions in the present. We need to differentiate between our actions and the other person’s actions in a relationship.
Being a good and loving person is not the problem, but we need to be confident enough to draw a line and not tolerate certain behaviors. We should not try to fix someone, as this creates an unhealthy dynamic and can lead to further hurt. Instead, we should choose partners who are capable of pouring into us and reciprocating our love.
The importance of differentiating between connection, chemistry, and compatibility in love
Love requires patience, understanding, and the willingness to fulfill each other’s needs. It’s important to differentiate between connection, chemistry, and compatibility in a relationship. While connection is rare and immediate, chemistry can happen with many people and needs to be carefully examined.
Compatibility, or what makes a relationship last, is often overlooked but requires time and effort to build. It’s essential to understand each other’s love languages and manage emotions on a deeper level. Rushing into a relationship based on chemistry alone can lead to overlooking important issues. Love requires patience, effort, and a genuine connection.
Navigating imbalances in a relationship with respect and understanding
In a relationship, it’s important to find a balance between standing up for yourself and being open to criticism from your partner. It’s okay to have disagreements and arguments, but it’s important to handle them respectfully and not resort to disrespectful language or behavior.
Patience and understanding are key to navigating imbalances in a relationship, and it’s important to approach a relationship as imperfect and as a space for growth and learning together. Additionally, recognizing and responding appropriately to your partner’s emotional state in a heated moment can help bring balance and peace to the relationship.
The importance of recognizing when to let go in relationships
Choosing a partner who doesn’t fulfill your needs or being in a relationship where your partner is not willing to put in the necessary work can lead to infidelity and dissatisfaction. It’s important to recognize when it’s time to let go, even though it may be scary to be alone or feel like you’re losing time invested in the relationship.
Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean it can’t work out later, but it may not work out under current circumstances. It’s also important to understand that healing and facing trauma is a difficult process, and a partner may be getting the benefits of a relationship without putting in the necessary work.
How to move on from a breakup and grow from the experience
Breakups are tough and can activate the same parts of your brain as physical pain and cocaine withdrawal. Instead of focusing on winning your ex back, focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Ask yourself why you were with that person in the first place and don’t fall into the trap of reminiscing about only the good moments.
A breakup may be a blessing in disguise, allowing you to reevaluate and get things in order. Even if things were going well on the surface, there may have been underlying issues that needed to be addressed. Recognize that sometimes breakups happen for a reason and can ultimately lead to a better outcome.
How to know if you have a real connection with someone
In order to know if you have a real connection with someone, ask yourself if you can be yourself around that person. If you are presenting yourself as a representative of yourself, then that is not a real connection.
Additionally, when you feel caught up in the moment and the chemistry, ask yourself what you really like about that person and what kind of relationship and life they want.
Connection is when your paths and purposes align, and you need to do your due diligence to dig deeper and find out if there is something real there. Avoid molding yourself to impress someone, as it is not sustainable and ultimately unhealthy.
The importance of solitude and mindful relationships
In order to truly understand ourselves and our beliefs, it is important to spend time alone and limit outside influences like TV, music, and the internet. When we are alone, we can think and process without the filter of someone else’s opinions or judgments.
This self-awareness and self-acceptance allow us to be clear about our values and beliefs, which ultimately leads to freedom. When it comes to relationships, those that involve true love and connection may have difficulties, but it is often due to past traumas and bad advice, not because relationships have to be hard. It is important to be conscious, mindful, and with the right person for a relationship to feel easy and fulfilling.
Balancing masculine and feminine energies in relationships
Balancing masculine and feminine energies is essential to healthy relationships. It’s not about being a “good guy” or a “bad boy,” but rather finding a mixture of both energies in ourselves and our partners. Transparency, communication, and avoiding fear-driven actions are crucial to maintaining this balance.
It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them, and it takes practice to understand when to use which energy. Ultimately, having confidence in oneself and the relationship allows for a healthy balance of energies and a successful partnership.
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