“The Empathetic Workplace” focuses on providing guidance and tools for managers and organizations to create a more empathetic and compassionate workplace, particularly in response to trauma and difficult situations.
Manning draws on research and real-world examples to provide practical advice for leaders to improve the workplace culture and support their employees.
An Empathetic Approach
Life is messy. We strive for order. We set our goals and tick off our action items. We weigh our options and try to make good decisions. Nonetheless, the unexpected intervenes. We are knocked off track by challenges from the small to the life-changing: illness, accidents, bias, harassment, violence, financial woes, and more.
As much as we seek to avoid them, we carry these struggles with us. They affect us in our homes, in our communities, and at work. How leaders respond to the traumas that inevitably show up in their workplaces can determine the success or failure of the organization as a whole.
#4 Empower
This step is equally important for the speaker and the listener. The traumatized person is going to have to continue on his journey without you. You can help that person by providing him with resources.
Step Four details sample resources and gives advice on the types of services of which managers and others responsible for employees or members of the public should be aware. It also includes a caution against the common urge to take over next steps for the speaker; instead, we should let the person in trauma chart his own course.
Trauma and the Brain
If someone comes to you to tell you about a difficult event, that person is likely experiencing an elevated stress level. You may catch some of that stress simply by observing. Here are some ways to recognize a stress response in yourself:
- A surge of anger
- Clenched jaw
- Desire to punch, stomp, or kick
- A knotted or burning feeling in your stomach
- Your voice raises
- You glare at people
- Restless legs
- You fidget
- You feel trapped
- Numbness in your extremities
- Your eyes dart around, looking for an exit
A few ideas to get better
- Breathe intentionally and slowly by inhaling for a count of four and exhaling for a count of six while noticing your stomach expanding and contracting.
- Engage your five senses by taking note of the color of the walls, the smell of coffee, the sound of laughter, and the feel of your watch on your arm to bring you back to the present moment.
- Release tension by finding a non-obstructive way to let out some energy, such as flexing and releasing your calves or fists, curling your toes, or clenching and consciously relaxing your stomach.
- Focus on something calming, like a phrase, object in the room, or memory. Repeat “I’m fine” to yourself, glance at a photo of a loved one, or visualize a peaceful scene.
- Double down on empathy by putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and recognizing that your body’s stress response is trying to protect you from feeling
#2 Acknowledge
Once someone shares a difficult personal story with you, it is important to acknowledge that gift. This is a brief moment that separates the speaker’s recitation of a difficult story and your moment to begin talking. When acknowledging, we should mirror the speaker’s language, speak with sincerity, and avoid distancing assumptions.
This section of the book also provides tips on appropriate acknowledgments (and those that aren’t so great).
Conclusion
Managing your own response will lower your stress level, which is a benefit on its own. Even better, your calm will be contagious and help the speaker feel calmer as well. Finally, it will keep you focused on the person in front of you and what he or she needs, so that your response can be helpful and supportive.
#3 Share
One of the most difficult aspects of victimization is the loss of control. You can help the speaker regain some measure of control by sharing information with him or her.
Though you may be limited in what you can share by the need for confidentiality or because you do not in fact know what happened, this step discusses the four types of information that can be shared: process, values, facts, and what you don’t know but hope to learn. It also discusses apologies.
#5 Return
The final step is to ensure that the injured person has a way to come back later, when he or she cannot remember all that you said, has more questions, or wishes for updates.
To leave matters on a solid footing, it is worthwhile to give the speaker a way to reach you again, whether this is a simple “call anytime,” an email address, or a website where updates will be posted. “Return” is also a return to ourselves, and so this section includes information on compassion fatigue and self-care.
The LASER Method
How can we encourage people to come forward? One way is by ensuring that when they do come forward, the response they get is respectful and supportive.
An essential first step to creating an open environment—a workplace where difficult issues can be discussed without fear and handled without discomfort—is a good response when those issues are raised. This is both simpler and more difficult than it seems. Trauma impacts the brains of both the speaker and the listener.
What we need to do to support someone in trauma, however, is not complex. There are five steps, each of which is discussed in detail in this book.
#1 Listen
Active listening involves more than keeping your mouth shut. Controlling your own reaction, managing your body language, asking open-ended questions, hearing what is not being said, and winding down the speaker when the conversation becomes unproductive are essential elements of being a good listener.
Step One covers all of these plus how to prepare for a difficult conversation, take notes without interrupting the flow of conversation, and handle special circumstances involving mandatory reporting and threats of self-harm or harm to others.
Managing your response
The first step to managing that response is to recognize it. Ah, my heart is beating really fast. That’s my stress response because this is a hard conversation. Or, I’m having trouble processing what he’s saying. I wonder if that’s because I’m catching some of his distress. Or, I can’t catch my breath. That’s my body trying to pump more oxygen into my muscles in case I need to run.
Just recognizing it will help you get a handle on the reaction. You’ll start to think something like, “Silly, really.” Why would I need to run? and that will begin to calm you. Employing some deliberate calming techniques will help even more. The goal is to remind yourself that you are fine. You’re completely safe.
