The Praise Paradox: when well-intended words backfire
Praise is one of the most effective ways to build children’s self-esteem and motivation, but is it true that praise unequivocally raises children’s motivation? The reality is a bit more complex: the praise paradox shows that praise can sometimes be detrimental to children’s well-being.
The danger of the praise paradox
Thousands of parents and teachers are showering children with praise, not realising they may actually demotivate them and prevent them from overcoming challenges
- Knowing how and when to praise children for their success is crucial to support them on their learning journey and to foster their personal growth
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Not all praise is made equal
Praise can be defined by two criteria: what is being praised and how much praise being given
- Inflated praise in particular may backfire and lower a child’s self-esteem
- Professor Eddie Brummelman from the University of Amsterdam conducted a study to explore the relationship between inflated praise from parents and their children’s self esteem
- People praise and inflated praise can also foster a fixed mindset
- Richard Farson, the co-founder and president of the Western Behavioral Sciences Institute, explains that we need to be mindful of the words we choose and what aspect of their work we focus on
From expectations to motivation
To be effective, praise should be honest, empathetic, and focused on effort rather than abilities.
- There are three ways to give effective praise: Define the value we want to teach, then give appropriate praise
- Replace flattery with encouragement: encourage someone to keep on learning by reminding them of their progress curve
- Praising someone for fixed traits can create anxiety and lower their willingness to experiment and challenge themselves, instead, praise them for their efforts
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