Downplaying issues with a casual "It's No Big Deal" can sometimes do more harm than good. Let's delve into the potential pitfalls of this seemingly harmless phrase and explore why it's crucial to address problems head-on, no matter their size.
When someone bothers or offends you, it’s natural to say, “it’s no big deal”
This is a cognitive distortion that serves the short-term purpose of forgoing a difficult conversation or action while also setting you up for bigger problems down the road
- If you don’t address something early on, there’s a good chance you’ll harbor negative emotional energy and become so upset that you eventually have a hard time being in the same room with the person who “wronged” you, much less trusting them or feeling good about them.
Seek a conversation, not a confrontation
When you address a situation early on, before your emotions have reached a fever pitch, you’ll be able to employ less confrontational strategies for addressing what’s on your mind.
- True inquiry is a respectful way of testing whether something actually is a big deal and is entirely consistent with the notion of assuming positive intent.
Treat “it’s no big deal” as a cue to take action
Speak up when you feel like it
- If the person is not being nefarious, simply naming the behavior that is troubling you in respectful terms will allow the person to address it without a big blow up
Act, but don’t ambush
When you let things build up, you’re more likely to act in an uncontrolled fashion at an inopportune time
- Schedule some time to talk about something upsetting in a meeting so you can detach from your initial emotional response and give yourself a chance to think about what you want to say and how you will say it
