Life's milestones can often feel like tyrants, dictating our paths and measuring our worth. But are they truly the oppressive forces we perceive them to be? Let's delve into the complexities of these societal constructs and their impact on our lives.
At 30, Nakul Singh is finishing up his residency in ophthalmology at Massachusetts Eye and Ear specialty hospital in Boston, looking forward to starting his fellowship year and thinking about marrying his girlfriend in the next couple of years
This is just how he had envisioned things would go.
- While his friends started to get serious with their significant others right after college, he was single and worried that he was falling behind.
The Role of Parents and Families
Parents and families play a huge role, especially around expectations for timing around marriage and kids.
- The age women first give birth has consistently risen over the past 40 years, so most millennial women are having children later than their baby boomer parents – waiting until age 29 or older
- While economic and educational realities have changed drastically, our social expectations haven’t kept pace
- A gap between what recent generations think they ought to be achieving and what is possible in today’s financial and educational climate is having a massive impact on their mental health
- Newer generations are feeling the stress and pressure to live up to their parents’ and grandparents’ norms, even if those expectations really aren’t relevant anymore
Economic factors have made it significantly more difficult for younger generations to reach the goal
Singh’s path took longer than expected, but there is evidence that these ideas about when we should settle down and have kids are starting to change
- The US Census survey also showed that the vast majority of Americans believe that finishing school and getting a job are important markers of adulthood, more so than getting married or having kids.
Life milestones are often arbitrary and unidentifiable
From generation to generation, changes in technology and the economy, advances in science and even the political climate can turn what once seemed like a social necessity into an antiquated expectation.
- Understanding where these expectations come from, and how they differ from the reality we live in now, is important for making personal milestones meaningful.
The mystery of social norms
From the moment humans pop out of the womb, we are ready to learn. We pick up the language around us and learn the rules of our society, what behavior is allowed, what’s considered good or bad.
- How these norms get set is a combination of social, economic, and technological factors.
