A common scenario in my practice is the leader who’s unhappy with an employee’s performance or a team’s results and is struggling to find the right way to express their discontent. When a leader feels compelled to speak up in these situations, it’s often more effective to simply say, “I’m disappointed.”
Emotions are attention magnets
Emotions alert us to potential opportunities and threats and orient our attention accordingly.
- The key for the unhappy leader is to convey their feelings of discontent in ways that will evoke an emotional reaction in their employees, capturing their attention and heightening the immediate pressures of reality.
Not all emotions are created equal
Impulsive leaders just let their anger fly
- Most people lack the capacity for such finely calibrated displays of anger
- Competent leaders appreciate the importance of emotion regulation
- They might convey their impatience or frustration
- Anger, even in its watered-down forms, is a function of how we typically respond to different types of emotions
The power of strategic vulnerability
A competent leader can down-regulate their anger into frustration and impatience, but the truly effective leader can take this process a step further, tap into their underlying fear and anxiety, and translate those feelings into other forms that serve their purposes.
- This is where a leader’s ability to say, “I’m disappointed” can be so powerful. It evokes an emotional response in employees, capturing their attention, and mobilizing them to take action.
