Self-sabotage is when you undermine your own goals or values, whether consciously or unconsciously. This guide will walk through the origins and causes of self-sabotage as well as provide a step-by-step plan for correcting any form of self-sabotage that is preventing you from living your best life.
Common Forms of Self-Sabotage
Everyone engages in self-sabotaging behaviors from time to time.
We all procrastinate, worry, engage in substance abuse, and struggle with commitment issues.
But when these issues become chronic patterns in our lives, it can lead to major problems in our relationships, health, and work.
Understanding the Roots of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage can have both conscious and unconscious motivations.
For example, showing up late to social events might help you avoid some anxiety about having to socialize too intimately with people before the event really gets going – but this behavior is still considered self-sabotaging.
Understanding Your Need
Self-sabotage often serves a purpose – even if it’s a limited one.
To break free of the behavior, it’s important to understand what need the self-sabotaging behavior is filling.
Once you have that clarity, you can then develop alternative healthy behaviors that address the need but don’t also hurt you.
Get Out of Your Own Way: A Step-By-Step Plan to Stop Self-Sabotage
To break the cycle of self-sabotage, it’s important to recognize it first.
Consider if there are any activities or habits that consistently interfere with your goals or values.
Once you’re aware of which behaviors are sabotaging you, begin to replace them with more constructive ones.
Identify Your Emotion
The first step involves identifying the emotion that most commonly comes up when you attempt to let go of self-sabotage and pursue healthier alternatives.
This could be fear, frustration or sadness.
Then, look for other areas in your life where that emotion arises and use this as an opportunity to practice tolerating it for a short time.
Understanding Where Self-Sabotage Comes From
Self-sabotage can take many forms – procrastination, using substances to cope with emotions, getting into relationships with people we don’t respect – but they all ultimately prevent us from achieving our goals.
The reasons why we self-sabotage vary from person to person, but there is a common theme: We learned that it ‘works’ in some way, providing us with short-term relief or satisfaction at the expense of long-term success.
How to Stop Self-Sabotage for Good: A 5-Step Plan
To stop self-sabotaging behaviors for good, it’s essential to recognize what need the self-sabotaging behavior feeds and then come up with healthier ways to get that need met.
This process starts by understanding the reasons behind your self-sabotage rather than judging yourself harshly.
Once you understand why you do it, you can start looking for creative solutions.
