When Perfectionism Harms You or Your Relationships
Perfectionism, often seen as a virtue, can sometimes morph into a destructive force. It can silently erode your self-esteem and strain your relationships. Let's delve into the darker side of perfectionism and explore ways to mitigate its harmful effects.
How to recognize when perfectionism is harmful
Perfectionism is maladaptive when it includes the need to be seen as flawless, to make no mistakes, and to live up to extremely high standards.
- Common behaviors of perfectionists include self-criticism and/or criticism of others, fear of failure, procrastination, and anxiety.
Start to imagine “good-enough” outcomes for those times when a high standard cannot be met
A good-enough outcome gets the job done, which is often more important than getting it done perfectly
- Stop seeking quick results. Success is more likely over the long term, allowing for some trial and error
Other-oriented perfectionism:
This occurs when a person feels that others are always expecting perfection from them, regardless of what is actually happening.
- It is the least likely to cause relationship problems but is difficult for the individual: socially prescribed perfectionism
- Both Jill and Jon were unhappy and frustrated with the status of their relationships and anxious about their futures.
How to Cope with Perfectionism
Coping with perfectionism first requires recognizing how it plays out in your life
- Consider how it’s affecting your own happiness or preventing you from reaching your goals
- Motivate yourself to change by learning the benefits of not being perfectionistic
- Practice self-compassion – allow yourself to make a mistake and learn from it, rather than self-criticize
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