In today’s age of Zoom calls and hybrid workplaces, how can leaders foster relationships that allow everyone to succeed? A trio of best friends and leadership consultants at SkyeTeam have the surprising answer: workplace success starts by being a friend.
Meet the Ally Mindset, a model for proactive, thoughtful work relationships. As you heal adversarial relationships and strengthen weaker ties, you’ll find that when you have best friends at work―colleagues who have your back―you thrive.
Through personal stories, science-backed insights, and valuable lessons from clients including Google, the National Geographic Society, and Microsoft, Author and business expert Morag Barrett, HR and Leadership Development Coach Eric Spencer, and executive coach and leadership development expert Ruby Vesely explore the five key parts of the Ally Mindset and demonstrate how to apply them to your relationships.
Generosity
Generosity is related to abundance but distinctly different. It’s giving to others freely without expectation of getting anything back in return or keeping count.
Generosity doesn’t only come in the form of money; it comes from sharing your knowledge and experiences, coaching and mentoring others. It also comes from being generous with your time. When you give generously to someone, it expands generosity in your team, in your community, and in the world in a circular way.
The Ally Mindset: We’re All #BetterTogether
The Ally Mindset is all about forging the human connection, and it is the first step in building stronger relationships on the job by creating allies—people whom you can count on, whom you can depend on, who care about you, and who trust you.
The Ally Mindset propels us forward. It aligns with our personal values. It allows us to be at our best when circumstances or others might be encouraging us to be at our worst. And when we’re at our best, we help others to be at their best.
The Ally Mindset is an intentional, conscious choice to be proactive and thoughtful in your relationships rather than reactive and defensive in your interactions. Taking on a proactive Ally Mindset requires self-awareness. It also requires letting go of what you think others should do.
The Remarkable Power of Being a Friend at Work: Why be Robin to My Batman?
Our allies allow us to be who we are, and they help keep us grounded when we go off track. Without effective relationships, your success will likely be compromised. Fortunately, there is a solution: reinventing a sense of connection in a disconnected world.
The Relationship Ecosystem is a way of thinking about who you are dependent on for your success—your boss, team, peers, industry experts, and so on—and how you would describe the health of your relationship.
The Ally Mindset connects to your personal values. It connects to your personal brand. And it connects deeply to your emotions. Developing your Ally Mindset is what moves your focus from me to we.
Connection and Compassion: Empathy Rules!
Connection and compassion are built in everyday interactions, through recognition and acknowledgment, when we feel that we are seen, that our voices are heard, and that our opinions matter. At its very essence, connection is all about the relationships you build with others.
Connection is undeniably important, but like many other things in work and life, it’s not the quantity of connections you make that will ultimately have the greatest impact; it’s the quality of them.
When we talk about connection, we also need to talk about compassion. Compassion is the authentic desire to help others and to have a positive impact. When we have a mindset of abundance and generosity, we feel more compassion toward others.
Candor and Debate: Stop Dancing with the Elephant in the Room
Candor is expressing your point of view in a way that increases learning and shared understanding, and it also means seeking out opportunities to both give and receive tough feedback.
Debate is the willingness to take a stand and then explore it in discussions with others—perhaps passionately, but always respectfully. An effective debate also taps into your active listening skills.
Relationships: The True Currency for Success
The Ally Mindset is how you show up in the relationships that matter most to you—whether or not the other person is showing up as an ally or a rival, a friend or an enemy. As a result, you are more likely to be engaged in these relationships rather than checked out.
The Ally Mindset is the guiding principle that drives intentionality—what you feel, think, and do—and ultimately the health of the relationship and the mutual success that comes from it.
Abundance and Generosity: Be the Flame That Lights Another’s Candle
The five practices of the Ally Mindset provide a framework for intentional choices in all your relationships: abundance and generosity, connection and compassion, courage and vulnerability, candor and debate, action and accountability.
Abundance and generosity are all about working with others, and they are the first step in moving from a me-first to a we-first orientation. An Ally Mindset begins with holding a perspective of abundance: you believe there’s plenty of success to go around and that collaborating for the success of others in your workplace and network will create more success for everyone.
Generosity
Generosity is related to abundance but distinctly different. It’s giving to others freely without expectation of getting anything back in return or keeping count.
Generosity doesn’t only come in the form of money; it comes from sharing your knowledge and experiences, coaching and mentoring others. It also comes from being generous with your time. When you give generously to someone, it expands generosity in your team, in your community, and in the world in a circular way.
From Adversary to Ally: Even Darth Vader Left the Dark Side
When your words and actions don’t align, it damages your reputation and your career. And if you’re in a leadership role, this gap could also be hurting your company.
We judge ourselves by our intent because we know what we mean, what we’re trying to accomplish, and what we’re capable of. But everyone else judges us by how what we do lands—and we them.
Saying one thing but feeling another has a huge influence on the quality of our working relationships because we write stories about each other. And we don’t talk about it.
Damaged Relations
Repairing a damaged relationship, or your reputation, starts with giving up something of value rather than asking for something of value from others. If you don’t give first, then you are simply conducting a transaction.
Apologize not only to the recipient of your less-than-stellar performance but also to innocent bystanders, those who witnessed the outburst or were impacted in the ripple effect of your behavior.
Action and Accountability: It’s All Wishes, Ponies, and Unicorns Until the Money’s in the Bank
Action is doing something, and in the context of the Ally Mindset, it is reactive in nature. It’s doing what you say you’re going to do when you say you’ll do it. Accountability is proactively looking out for the needs of others. This is the capstone piece of the Ally Mindset model.
Action is moving forward, accomplishing your goals. Action is about applying uncommon discipline and keeping commitments on your team, while accountability is going the extra step—recognizing a coaching moment, pausing, and doing the right thing instead of the simple or fast thing.
Accountability is proactively looking out for opportunities to serve and support others. Accountability is also ensuring that you serve and support your own needs and goals. Ultimately, the practice of action and accountability builds trust.
Courage and Vulnerability: When You Let Your Guard Down, the Magic Happens
The key to developing an Ally Mindset is having the willingness and ability to reveal ourselves completely to others. It requires having the courage to admit to our shortcomings and mistakes and to be open to honest and candid feedback.
It also requires demonstrating vulnerability—owning up to our fears or concerns, asking others for help, and acting on that help when it is provided.
While some think that vulnerability is a weakness, it’s really a strength that can help us build relationships with others. Courage and vulnerability are inextricably linked. Courage is having the conviction to be true to yourself.
When we’re vulnerable, we show the world that we aren’t always right, that sometimes we don’t know what we’re doing, that occasionally we’re out of control and need help. To work, vulnerability must be honest and sincere.
Trust: The Secret Sauce to Friendships at Work
There’s one more thing that must be in place for the Ally Mindset to work. Trust is a bridge of connection we build with someone else that says, “I believe you; I can rely on you; I feel safe with you.”
The Ally Mindset enables you to move from the me-first to the we-first perspective that maximizes your potential to be and have allies. These two elements of trust work together in balance, providing the tasty secret sauce you need to be an ally to those around you.
But there’s one more level of trust that many often forget. In addition to trust (or a lack thereof) in others, there is trust (or a lack thereof) in yourself. And like the trust you have with others, this, too, is in a constant state of flux, a constant state of change.
Conclusion: Always Do Your Best
As we strive to always do our best, we should do everything we can to help our colleagues, clients, friends, family, and others do their best too. It’s about connecting, making someone’s day a little bit better.
It’s about the human touch. In a world with so much disconnection, all of us need that touch, whether it’s in-person or virtual.
People crave connection, people need connection; it’s built deep into our DNA.
But we’re so busy running on our hamster wheels we forget to reach out. Relationships are made or broken one conversation at a time. We have a choice to enter into relationships one thought at a time. And those thoughts happen every day.
Abundance and Generosity: Be the Flame That Lights Another’s Candle
The five practices of the Ally Mindset provide a framework for intentional choices in all your relationships: abundance and generosity, connection and compassion, courage and vulnerability, candor and debate, action and accountability.
Abundance and generosity are all about working with others, and they are the first step in moving from a me-first to a we-first orientation. An Ally Mindset begins with holding a perspective of abundance: you believe there’s plenty of success to go around and that collaborating for the success of others in your workplace and network will create more success for everyone.
