Here’s How to Expertly Deal with Rude People (& What to Say!)

Rudeness is everywhere-maybe a stranger cut you off in traffic, a coworker shut the door in your face, or a loved one snapped at you for “not cleaning up after yourself” when you had left the knife on the edge of the sink on purpose in case you wanted to make another sandwich later

What Makes a Person Rude and Disrespectful?

Researchers have found that “just like the common cold, common negative behaviors can spread easily and have significant consequences.”

• Rude is contagious!
• It can be helpful to remember that when someone is being rude to you, it says more about them than you.

Remember, someone else’s negativity does not define you

Negative comments impact us much more than positive ones-at a 5-to-1 ratio

• If someone says something rude to you, take a second to affirm yourself with five positive things
• Remember, their harsh comments and negativity don’t define you

Why does workplace rudeness matter?

When rudeness in the workplace goes unaddressed, research finds that employees feel less motivated and less productive

• Not only can rudeness impact a person’s excitement about work and ability to do well at work, but it can negatively affect one’s creativity as well
• Rude people are less likely to progress professionally.

Have a one-on-one

If the person being rude to you is a loved one or a colleague, you may want to wait to address their behavior in private.

• When you talk with them, instead of telling them that they were being rude, try to help them understand how their actions made you feel.

Pause and Ask

If someone is rude to you, immediately pause. Don’t be offensive or rude back. Use ASSA-Alert, State, Sell, and Agree.

• Ask if they realize how hurtful or offensive their behavior is, and help them understand why it was inappropriate. This helps people see that you are being reasonable while also clearly showing them the consequences of their rude behavior will be.

Give people the benefit of the doubt

Some cases, the person acting rudely may not understand the culture or “The way we do things around here” and not realize they are being rude

• Avoidance isn’t the best option, but sometimes you try addressing a person’s rudeness and nothing changes
• Ways to avoid someone without being too obvious about it

Closing Thoughts Rudeness is something you encounter often, and if you’re not careful, you’ll “catch” the rudeness and start being rude to others around you

Use these 10 tactics to deal with rude people:

• Let them know how you feel
• Set boundaries
• Be warm to the individual
• Show your competence
• Assume the best of others
• Avoid consistently rude people
• Their rudeness does not define you

Lean Towards Warmness

The quickest way to thaw out a “cold shoulder” is with warmth

• When people are physically warm, they are more likely to show friendly character traits
• Action Step: When you’re in the midst of a situation dealing with someone who is being rude, try using warm non-verbal cues to show warmth

Display your competence

If you feel like someone is underestimating you, be kind and direct

• Address the person and ask for the opportunity to show your capability
• Example: “I’m so excited to be entrusted with this responsibility and put my expertise into spearheading this project.”
• Cite studies, research, or industry thought leaders to show you are doing your homework.

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