How to deflect nosy questions, stop advice-givers, fend off criticism and more

Boundaries are a process. There’s no magic pill that ensures a perfect execution – but the tools and scripts that follow will help you create a foundation to build on. What matters most is that you do it. This post contains helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

Script #1: What to say when someone asks you something you’re just not sure about

Take stock of what you truly desire

Serve up a clear, charge-free “no” depending on the context
To a friend who wants you to go to dinner that sounds shoot-me-now painful: “I’m going to say no to dinner, but I’d love to catch up another time.”

Script #4: What to say when someone is judgmental or critical of you

When a friend, family member or coworker makes a rude comment and then says, “I’m just being honest,” you may feel inclined to accept their words, even though they make you feel bad.

Don’t. Someone who gives you genuinely constructive criticism is actually rooting for you – they care about you, and they’re initiating a hard conversation to clue you in to something important.

What to say when a line has been crossed

Quickly alerting the other person to your feelings, concerns, or objections can stop an easily corrected misstep or misunderstanding from turning into something more.

Four-part nonviolent communication process
“I thought you should know…”
“I wanted to bring something to your attention. The other day, I felt uncomfortable when I saw ______________.”
“I need to share my experience of what went down, because I’d like you to understand how I feel.”

What to say to deflect nosy questions

You do not owe anyone your personal information

If someone asks you how much money you make, say, “Not even close to what I’m worth.”
To someone inquiring about your love life, respond, “I’d rather not discuss it right now. When I have news to share I’ll let you know.”