Ending relationships is a delicate, messy art, fraught with emotional turmoil and intricate nuances. It's a journey that requires courage, empathy, and understanding. Let's delve into the complexities of this process, exploring the emotional landscape and offering guidance for those navigating these challenging waters.
I’ve just drafted a book called “Doubt: A Natural History; A User’s Guide,” much of it centered on the Serenity Prayer, a masterpiece of brief decision-making guidance, 26 words (Setting aside God) that corner us squarely with two of the three options we face in any frustrating situation.
Take it, leave it, try to change it
- During the honeymoon period, we should serenely overlook whatever is frustrating. After that, if we can’t simply overlook it then we should try and change it, and if that doesn’t work, then what?
- Relationships, therefore often end with a strong demarcation, as we go from throwing our full last-ditch weight behind arguments for the other person to change, to just letting them go do their thing elsewhere. Sometimes relationships die with a whimper.
We can hedge, accepting, trying to change and leaving all at the same time
Taking it personally
- Trying to change it means focusing on the problem because you’re invested in the relationship.
- Leaving means divesting yourself of the relationship – you can’t both invest and divest in the same relationship simultaneously
Understanding the three-way serenity prayer and how it plays out in all relationships can make us less spiteful in the end, more wise even about when to give up on seeking more wisdom.
Relationships end. There’s nothing left to be gained in arguing that they should have been different. The dead were what they were, end of story.
- Let go of wondering if they couldn’t, wouldn’t, or shouldn’t have changed?
