Ever wondered why certain conversations leave you energized while others drain you? It might be linked to your listening style. Uncover the nuances of different listening styles and discover how they can shape your interactions and relationships.
Summary
We may have learned that we need to let people speak without interrupting but taking turns talking does not truly denote listening
- Even common techniques, like “active listening” can be counterproductive
- Most of us miss opportunities in interactions through the default ways we listen
- Listening well depends on awareness of the goals, our own habits, and choosing how to respond
The Impact of Better Listening
Experimenting with how we listen solidifies our active partnership in conversations.
- It expands the space for others to reveal what really matters to them and can actually be more efficient if we can get to the heart of the matter more deliberately.
Styles of Listening
There are four distinct listening styles: analytical, relational, critical, task-focused, and relational
- Developing the ability to shift dynamically between these styles can lead to impactful conversations by matching the speaker’s needs with the most appropriate listening technique
Adapt the listening style to achieve conversational goals
Stay focused on the speaker and the goals to help adapt to the needs of the situation.
- In a patient expressing fear, responding with validation and curiosity may allow the clinician to capture valuable information and more effectively address the patient’s needs.
Establish Why You Are Listening
Why are you listening?
- Reflect briefly on what the goals of the conversation are, and how best you can listen in that moment.
- We may not have the bandwidth to fully listen fully ourselves, so we’re surface listening instead.
Ask: Am I missing something?
Consider whether the conversation at hand seems to be productive and what you may be missing
- Resisting the urge to reassure or offer solutions and inviting more detail to better understand what’s behind a fraught statement is a useful analytical listening technique
Recognize how you usually listen
Our “usual” listening style may be sabotaging our goals
- When expressions of emotion are met with task-oriented or critical listening styles, we may miss opportunities to better understand underlying values and concerns or even gain actionable information by exploring or offering empathy through validation
Be aware of who is the focus of attention
We often assume that interjecting with our own personal stories is an empathic and relationship-building move, but it precludes hearing the other’s whole message
- When done without awareness it runs the risk of steering the conversation away from the speaker without redirecting back
