Why some narcissists actually hate themselves
Peeling back the layers of narcissism reveals a complex interplay of self-love and self-loathing. Let's delve into the paradoxical world of narcissists who, beneath their grandiose exterior, harbor deep-seated self-hatred.
Many narcissists aren’t in love with themselves
Much of the time, a narcissist’s behavior isn’t driven by self-love – rather, self-hatred
- New findings reinforce this idea, noting that narcissistic behavior like flexing on social media might come from low self-esteem and a constant need for self-validation
A vicious cycle
Seeking positive reinforcement to make ourselves feel better is something everybody does from time to time – and doesn’t necessarily make someone a narcissist.
- But narcissism can lead to “self-enhancement becomes the overriding goal in nearly all situations, and may be sought out in problematic and inappropriate ways”.
- In these cases, behaviors aimed at boosting external validation can backfire, because people end up liking the individual less.
It’s also not clear how understanding what’s driving narcissism will help curb the behavior.
Narcissists tend to be resistant to change because they see the locus of most problems in others rather than themselves
- The best strategy for dealing with narcissists may be to try to understand where they’re coming from
- Remembering that their actions may well come from a place of insecurity could also help you view them with more compassion
In an employment setting, that can mean taking credit for other people’s work, blaming colleagues for mistakes, taking advantage of others to get ahead, or responding to feedback with hostility.
Socially, this may manifest as showing off on social media, or usurping attention over brunch at the expense of someone else.
There are 2 types of narcissists:
Vulnerable – low self-esteem and crave affirmation
- Grandiose – overinflated sense of self
- Study suggests vulnerable types are the true narcissists
- Do not seek power or dominance, but rather affirmation and attention that elevate their status and image in the minds of others
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